Wife Swap: Halliwells versus Cullens
by HollyShannenForever
Summary: Piper's sisters sign her up for Wife Swap as a birthday prank & she gets placed with the supernatural family from Twilight, who have different ways of living than the Halliwells. Piper's already freaked out by her new family & the Cullen kids love it, naturally. Esme's super curious about the Halliwells & why Leo's nothing like Carlisle. Piper blows up some things out of annoyance!
1. Can't Get Out Of This One

******Thank you to CharmedWriter11 for beta'ing!**

Nine years after the Ultimate Power was vanquished, demon activity had greatly diminished. The Powers that Be let Prue and Andy visit the Charmed Ones from time to time. Piper had a baby girl named Melinda a few months before turning forty. On the morning of her birthday, Phoebe and Paige orbed in, only to find Leo and Piper making out.

"Happy birthday!" they shouted to the now surprised Piper. She stopped mid-kiss and smiled at her sisters. They placed five candles on the floor in a circle. Together, they chanted, "Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side, come to me, I summon thee, cross now the great divide." Prue appeared in ethereal form. She was a ghost until she stepped out of the circle.

"Prue!" the sisters said happily and hugged her.

"Hey, guys! Wait, you can feel me? I have a body?"

"Yes," Piper said.

"Cool, I'm finally getting the hang of this!"

"Yeah, you are," Phoebe agreed. "So...Piper, we have a surprise for you...all three of us." She gestured towards herself, Prue, and Paige.

Piper looked skeptical. "Last time you tried to surprise me for my birthday, there was a food fight because we fought for Prince Charming. I have my own prince, thank you very much."

"We didn't make a perfect man for you. We...um...well, here, read for yourself." Paige tossed Piper an envelope. She ripped it open and slowly read it to herself. She frowned.

"Wife Swap? Really, guys?"

"Told you she wouldn't like it," Prue muttered.

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Yeah, you get to change a family's life or something," Paige added.

"You're taking me away from Leo for two weeks to live with some other man and his children? A strange woman will be in this house...around my husband and my children! Not to mention...what if I accidentally use my powers because I'm nervous?"

"We'll spend the day with you for your birthday, but tomorrow, you and that woman will switch homes. Don't worry about using your magic...you can always call for Paige in the bathroom if you get panicky. She can bring me and whoever else you want to see," Leo replied.

"You knew about this too?"

"Yes...I noticed that you need a break from magic and don't you want somewhat of a normal life? This is a chance for you not to run into any demons."

"Was this supposed to be a prank?"

"Yes," the sisters said together.

"I guess I'll make the best of it."

The next day, there were tearful goodbyes between Piper and her loved ones after she wrote a list of information about the Halliwells for the new wife. She and Leo kissed for a long time and then she took the plane to Forks, Washington, where she'd meet a family called the Cullens.

...

"Do we _all _have to go to meet this woman who we don't even know?" Chris complained when they got to the airport.

"Yes, and be polite to her when you see her," Leo said as he jiggled Melinda in his arms.

Wyatt rolled his eyes. "Okay, Dad." He held up the huge sign that said _Cullen _in big, black letters.

Leo would miss Piper terribly, but Wife Swap sounded exciting and new for them. A woman with curly brown hair quickly walked over to them while waving. The boys gaped at her, but Leo stuck his hand out politely to shake hers. He jumped at the temperature of her skin.

"Hi, I'm Esme Cullen. Sorry about the coldness, the airplane was freezing."

"Quite all right. It's nice to meet you. I'm Leo Wyatt."

"I thought your last name was Halliwell."

"The women keep their last names in our family. These are my sons Chris and Wyatt, and my daughter Melinda. Boys...say hi."

"Hey," they chorused.

"Hello. Oh, hi, cutie!" she cooed at Melinda.

Leo took them home and gave Esme a grand tour of the manor. She noted that she liked the style.

"Thanks. It's Victorian...it's been around for many years. It housed many generations of Halliwell wi-women...my wife and I live here now with our children, but it used to be that she and her sisters lived here...and before that, the girls' grandmother and their mother lived with them until they passed on."

"I see. Well...it's as big as mine and my husband's mansion back home. So...where did your wife put the guidebook?"

Leo showed her and then let her be on her own.

...

Esme read what the Halliwell wife had written.

_Hi, my name is Piper Halliwell. I've just turned forty and I have a husband named Leo. We have three children, Wyatt is the oldest at twelve, Chris is eleven, and the baby, Melinda, is three months old. Wyatt is very much like my husband, sweet, always happy, and helpful. Be careful though, he might spill your secrets! Chris is more like me...he's protective, sarcastic, and a bit shy at times. Melinda is a combination of both of us. She's a cheerful little girl and rarely cries. Wyatt and Chris go to school with their dad, he teaches there. I own a restaurant called Halliwell's Kitchen. From time to time, my sisters, their husbands, and their kids visit us at the manor. Don't be overwhelmed by all the chaos...it's a full house, but I'm sure you can handle it. You can always go outside to take a breather if you need to. You'd just be missing out on all the love going around. Don't be afraid if there's loud noises at random times...that happens a lot here, but my sons and my sisters will be there to protect you. One last thing...you cannot, I repeat, cannot, go into the attic. It's complicated. Leo and I both run the house, and I'm not there, so if you need anything at all, Leo is always a call away, and he can get me on the phone too. Good luck!_

"Well, that's the first place I'll go, then," Esme murmured to herself. "As a vampire, I'm used to strange things."


	2. Looks Like Trouble

******Thank you to CharmedWriter11 for beta'ing!**

Piper was anxiously tapping her feet on the airplane floor as the announcement came on that they would land in about five minutes. She packed her book inside her purse and got off the plane when it landed. She stared at the pictures in her wallet fondly. They were of her husband, her kids, and her sisters. After she got her suitcase, a blue light appeared from behind a wall, and she ran to it.

"Paige! What are you doing here?"

"They're supernatural too, I just found out. You don't have to worry about slipping and using your magic."

Piper was curious. "Oh, well, that's good...where are they? I don't feel like looking around for hours."

"That's the other reason why I'm here. This girl...she's psychic, and she saw you finally find them after five hours. I'll orb you."

"So much for a break from magic," Piper joked. Paige threw her arm around Piper's shoulders and they disappeared in the blue orbs.

Pretty soon, they found themselves in a bathroom. Paige left while calling out, "Good luck!" and then Piper was alone.

She opened the door and a few yards away from her, there was a group of young adults and a girl about five years old, holding up a sign that read, _Halliwell_. She wondered who the husband was in this family and then laughed to herself that they all looked the same age. The father must have really aged gracefully. They all looked like airbrushed models. Since they were supernatural, they might have been casting spells for personal gain to make themselves look certain ages, or maybe they were ghosts with actual bodies, but not even Prue, Patty, or Penny looked this unrealistic. _This family was definitely different than her own_, she thought to herself. She waved and then made her way over to the clan.

One of the blonde men cleared his throat. "Hello," he said in a musical voice. "Pleased to meet you, my name is Carlisle Cullen, and these are my children and my granddaughter." Piper stood there in total shock. When she pulled her hand out of his grasp, she warmed it up with her other hand.

"Were you just holding ice cubes or something?"

"Guess I was...we had a snow day."

"Hi! I'm Alice!" the shortest woman in the bunch said.

Piper shook her hand. "Hey."

"Rosalie," the blonde woman introduced herself.

"Emmett," the man with curly brown hair rumbled.

"Renesmee," the child said in a way that made her sound like a teenager. "My parents are home. They couldn't come. Daddy said he didn't want to dazzle you. Apparently, he dazzles all the ladies, my mommy said."

Piper rolled her eyes. "I don't get dazzled easily. There's only one man that I love and am attracted to."

"Jasper's home too," Alice added. "He's new to the family...he's getting adjusted to our...lifestyle."

"He's never been around-" Emmett started to say, but Rosalie jabbed him in the chest.

"Lovely to meet you all. I'm Piper."

"Would you like me to carry your suitcase to the car?" Carlisle offered.

"No thanks, I'm good," she said.

"Are you sure? You must be tired from that flight."

"If there's one thing I'm not, it's a damsel in distress," Piper stated.

Everyone piled in Carlisle's black Mercedes and went back to a huge mansion. It reminded Piper of the manor, and she thought of her family with a smile on her face. She went inside the mansion with her suitcase and started to read the guidebook that was on the kitchen table.

_I'm Esme Cullen and I'm thirty-five years old. Carlisle is my husband, and we had our kids young. Alice, Edward, and Emmett are seventeen, and our adopted twins, Rosalie and Jasper, are eighteen. Bella is also eighteen and she lives with us. She and Edward have a darling daughter named Renesmee, but her nickname is Nessie. She's five. We allow our children to date within the family...in fact, they are already married._

Piper stopped reading. "Then why the hell don't they all get their own places to live?" she asked herself. "Who gets married that young? What era did I step in?"

_They go to school Monday through Friday, unless it is sunny out, that's when Carlisle takes them camping. They are a wild bunch, but they're fun too. Carlisle is a doctor and I stay at home. Okay, I think that's pretty much all you need to know. If you have any questions, ask Carlisle._

"She stays at home..." Piper muttered. "What is this, the fifties?"

"No, but she's very old fashioned," Carlisle said, and startled her.

"How could you hear me? I was whispering!"

"I have good hearing."

She put her hands up. "Nobody can hear that well. Are you a demon?" she asked sharply.

He chuckled. "What? No, I'm not a demon! They don't even exist."

"Uh-huh," Piper said doubtfully. "Anyway...what should I do? Your...kids...look like they can take care of themselves. With the exception of Nessie, you all look like college roommates, if you ask me."

"Yeah, well...we're not. You could make yourself comfortable in the kitchen...Esme spends a lot of time there cooking for our guests. They come from the reservation and they love to eat. We've already eaten, so we don't need anything. Nessie also eats at normal hours, unlike us, so you can eat with her if you want."

"What else does Esme do?"

"She makes sure the kids don't break anything...and she's there for motherly advice."

_Basically a babysitter._

"Carlisle, who is that, the new wife?" a voice shouted from upstairs.

"Yeah, come down and meet her."

The bronze-haired boy sluggishly walked down the steps with a girl. "Fancy meeting you, ma'am. I'm Edward and this is Bella."

_Unbelievable, two teenagers marrying, that is way too young...are there no rules in this family? Apparently not..._

"There's rules, trust me, there are rules. We're in love, and she's been my soulmate ever since we met five years ago in middle school."

Piper's jaw dropped. "I never said anything." _Could Edward hear people's thoughts? This was just like when she and Prue casted a spell to hear thoughts. Were the Cullens witches, too?__  
_

"Not exactly. I read your facial expression, and you looked stunned that we got married so young."

"Well, of course I'm stunned! All of you kids got married as teenagers?"

"Yeah...some of us are almost eighteen, and others are eighteen already," Bella said.

"Wait a minute...your daughter is five...so that means you had her at...thirteen years old?" _Sex on the first date? I would so ground Wyatt if he got a girl pregnant at his age. He'd never be let out of the house again._

Edward laughed. "It's confusing. We'd best be going now." The couple hurried out, leaving behind a very bewildered Piper.

"Do all the kids call you Carlisle instead of Dad?"

"Yeah...we're informal."

Booming laughter could be heard as the door slammed shut. "So, I heard Eddie scared the human!"

"She didn't look scared, Emmett...she looked shocked and almost relieved, somewhat. Oh...Piper!" Alice laughed nervously. "We were just talking about you. You're the exact same height as Esme."

"Wow." _How did Alice see her? Oh, she must be the psychic Paige was talking about. _"So...what do these guests like to eat for breakfast?"

"Bacon and eggs," Carlisle answered.

She loved cooking, and she enjoyed the fact that the Native Americans wolfed their food down in mere seconds. Nessie was sitting next to one of the men-it was hard to believe that they were just children, since they were so muscly-and the little girl opened her mouth and was about to bite the man. Piper quickly froze the scene. "Oh my god! Who allows her to do this?" She got up mid-meal and found Carlisle sitting in the living room, reading a book. "Hey! Um...I don't really know how to say this...but your granddaughter...is trying to bite someone."

"Oh yeah, she always bites Jake."

"It's funny," Rosalie said. Emmett chortled.

"No, no, that is not appropriate! How could you be so casual about that, Carlisle?"

"She's not venomous. He's a fast healer."

Piper gritted her teeth and went back to the kitchen. She placed eggs in Nessie's open mouth. "Here, eat this instead." With a wave of her hands, the scene unfroze. She quickly pulled her hand back.

"You don't have to feed me, Piper, I'm not a baby."

"I know, but you cannot bite people. It hurts and it's extremely disrespectful."

"My family lets me do it. I won't listen to you, ever. You see, I am God's gift. They love me here. I was named after my grandmothers and my grandfathers. My full name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen...Mommy's parents' names are Renee and Charlie."

_Such a little spoiled brat! That was the stupidest name that Piper had ever heard._

"Well, isn't that great for you," Piper muttered sarcastically. Nessie smirked, and Piper stared down at her food. She didn't want to watch any biting. It was disgusting to look at.

**Thank you for your lovely reviews, Shelley101 and CharmedWriter11! Comments are always greatly appreciated!**


	3. Fully Freaked

**Thank you to CharmedWriter11 for beta'ing!**

"Leo!" Esme shouted from somewhere in the house. "Leo, where are you!"

"Well, that's the last of them," Wyatt commented as Chris sent a lower-level demon flying into the grandfather clock and then exploding. Leo shook his head.

"Boys, I think this is scaring Esme. Could you keep it down?"

"She freaks us out, Dad...I mean, she's pretty and all...but she looks like a succubus...from the forties. No normal human woman looks like that. I can't really outright ask her if she is...she'd deny it, and we know that demons lie," Chris said.

"Plus, we caught her going into the attic...twice. She probably wants the Book of Shadows," Wyatt added.

"Yeah, I know...I told her that nobody went in there, but she's curious...naturally. A succubus, as you know, would come onto you, and your Aunt Phoebe would feel her in heat, like when the succubus tried to kill your Aunt Prue disguised as a man. Esme's not a succubus. She's quiet, and she's a great cook...almost as great as Piper. She's been taking care of Melinda pretty well. I've never heard of a demon who was one hundred percent good. I'll call your mom and see how she's doing-"

"Oh, there you are! Would you boys like some cookies?" Esme interrupted them. Her eyes turned black, she suddenly dropped the plate, and she escaped the room while holding her nose.

"What the hell..." Chris muttered.

"What got into her?" Wyatt asked rhetorically.

"She's probably not used to seeing children with gaping wounds," Leo said. "You two should wash up, and I'll clean this mess."

"I overheard your conversation," Esme said. Oddly enough, her voice sounded like bells chiming. Leo didn't even know she was there. "Sorry about that...I can't stand blood...how did they get so badly hurt?"

"It happens a lot. They had a fight...again. They tend to get really into it."

"That's horrible, that you and Piper let them beat each other up."

"They don't really...it's hard to explain," Leo said as he picked up the metal plate and scooped the broken cookies onto it. "Good thing this isn't glass, huh?"

"Oh yeah, very good thing. I could make you some coffee."

"I'm all right. Have you eaten?"

"I had something on the plane."

"That was six hours ago, aren't you hungry?"

Esme shook her head. "Not right now. I think I need to sing to your daughter again. She loves my lullabies."

When she went upstairs, Leo's phone rang. It was Piper. "Hey, just the woman I wanted to talk to," he answered.

"Leo, get me out of here!" she said through gritted teeth.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"These people...if they even are people...they don't age, Paige said they're supernatural, I don't know what they are, they marry within the family, one of the couples had a child at age thirteen...and they let their five year old bite a friend of theirs, apparently, all the time! I am officially creeped out, and it hasn't even been half a day! I miss you!"

"I miss you too, baby."

"I'm bored here, too! Esme does nothing except cook, clean, tell the kids not to be too rowdy, and she's there for motherly advice...but lately, nobody has needed me. The youngest one is so rude that she doesn't deserve a mother...I don't feel like brushing her stupid hair!"

"Honey, you'll be able to handle everything. Just use your motherly instincts when it comes to Nessie."

"Motherly instincts? Ha! My motherly instincts are to tell her to shut up and to ground her forever!"

"Piper, listen to me, okay? Try to find out the story behind her biting...why is she trying to bite the friend? Maybe she doesn't do it hard enough to make him bleed...they are a supernatural family, like you said...so make friends with them, so they can be on your side and listen to you explain why you don't think Nessie biting is a good idea."

"Hmm...are you gonna do that with Esme? How are you and the kids?"

"We're fine. We should swap stories, shouldn't we?"

"Yeah...get to know them better, since you'll be with them for a while."

"Esme doesn't like blood...and she hasn't eaten in over six hours. Supernatural people need to eat...unless she's a demon, which I don't think she is."

"Get her to admit what she is!"

"Leo, who are you talking with?"

He dropped the phone and turned around. "Esme! You startled me, I didn't even know you were there!"

"Leo, are you alright?"

He bent down to pick up the phone, but Esme had already done it for him and then dashed away. "Yes, I'm fine, Piper...Esme just...appeared out of thin air...and now she's gone. She really loves our little girl...but she hasn't gotten to speak with me or the boys yet. She's talked to us before, of course, but no deep conversations have been had."

"Why don't you start one with her?"

"Sure...it'll ease the awkwardness."

Leo jumped when he heard a crash followed by a boom, and they sounded like they were coming from his end.

"You can't use that stake! Get fire, and hurry!" Esme screamed.

"What is she-" Chris started to ask.

"Go!" Esme interrupted him. "Before he kills you kids and Leo after he's done with me!"

"What's happening?" Piper asked in a panicked whisper.

"Demon attack...but this time, I don't think it's your average demon. I need to check up on everyone, bye, love you!" He hung up and ran in the kitchen to find Wyatt hitting a man over the head with a frying pan. Chris was starting a fire on the burner. Esme backed up into a corner of the room.

"Good job, guys, keep stalling him...I'm sorry I can't help, but fire kills me."

The man was pale white and he had blood red eyes. Leo ran into the kitchen and tried wrestling the man with his bare hands, but the man kicked him away with so much strength that he crashed into Esme.

"Hey! I caught you right away. I don't think Piper would like losing her husband. Be careful! These guys break bones...they're so strong!"

"Jesus! You've put my children in danger, and you don't expect me to help?"

"You don't understand. He came for me...he doesn't want to kill anyone but me..."

Chris used his telekinetic powers to move the man into the flames and keep him there to burn to death.

"That pan didn't seem to hurt him at all!" Wyatt commented as he put away his invisible force field. "What are you, lady? What is he? You guys seemed to be familiar with each other."

Leo was breathing hard. "Yeah, what my son said, what was that thing?"

"That was a bloodthirsty vampire...but not your traditional one," Esme explained. "You see, some of our kind...we don't burn in the sunlight or sleep in coffins...and the only reason why my eyes aren't red like that one's were, is because I don't drink human blood...I drink animal blood. You could call us vegetarian vampires. Our skin is rock hard, and looks and feels like a block of ice. The only way to kill us, as you can see, is with fire...or another way is if one of our kind ripped us apart, limb from limb, but mortals can't do that...they can only make do with fire, and it looks like you boys have some supernatural abilities of your own. Do you as well, Leo?"

Chris and Wyatt gave each other wary looks. Leo shook his head. "Nope...I became mortal about ten years ago."

"How?"

"Can we all find a place to sit down and discuss this?" Chris asked.

"It's a long story," Leo told her.

"Does your daughter have powers?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Esme...we'll tell our histories as long as you tell us yours," Wyatt said.

"Of course...I'd be glad to. First though...I need to hunt. I'm thirsty and I don't want to accidentally injure or slaughter anyone. Enjoy your dinner, it's cooking in the oven." With that, she disappeared in a flash, leaving the Halliwells in shocked silence.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing: CharmedWriter11, Shelley101, CheekyMonkey101, normanelson, HaveFaithInMe1996, and Milica-tanja! I enjoy the support :)**


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